In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could fuck to npr.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
