he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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