that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
