i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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