Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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