I just saw a hot homeless man
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
