My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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