after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
