I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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