Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
