why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
