do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
