Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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