You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I die, sorry about rent.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
