some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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