He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
