I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
