Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
