her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
