so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
