Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
