She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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