first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just threw up on my dentist
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
