Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
