Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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