I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
