Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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