You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize