Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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