sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
