if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My bed smells like the plague
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
