so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
