lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
