He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
