Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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