The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize