look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I came so hard my ears popped.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
