So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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