Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
