I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
