you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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