I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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