I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
