whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
