You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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