my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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