i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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