even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
