Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
