maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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