Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
