Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
