I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I want her autograph on my taint
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
