I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
did i walk over a car last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
