The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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