he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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