his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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