I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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