Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
