I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
