as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
